Cognitive Distortions Fuel Anxiety After Infidelity, Therapy Stops Them. By Your Sugar Land Therapist

So you have been cheated on, and now you find yourself thinking this is somehow your fault ( If you would have_____, you should have ____. If only _____.).  You find yourself speculating about your future relationships and how you are doomed to have the next person cheat on you, after all, about 40 percent of marriages are rocked by affairs.  You find your future is being painted darker and darker, your mind predicting catastrophe- you are doomed to a future of loneliness. You may find yourself viewing the entire relationship, past and present, as a total failure, ignoring any good times, and believing you wasted your time entirely. You may have stopped seeing the good in yourself, as you have only been able to focus on  the betrayal, forgetting to acknowledge what you are doing of value, that you have other things beside this relationship that bring worth to who you are. You may have begun to negatively label yourself as “an idiot for trying to work things out” or “damaged goods”. If you have had any thoughts like this since you discovered your partner's intimacy betrayal, you are not alone.

The thought patterns talked about above are examples of negative thought distortions (Personalization(Self-Blame), All-or-Nothing Thinking, Mental Filtering, Labeling) that are common after being cheated on. Cognitive distortions after being cheated on are irrational thought patterns. Cognitive distortions are habitual, biased thoughts that distort your reality. It is important to recognize when you are having cognitive distortions because they often lead to negative emotions, increased anxiety, and poor mental health.

After an infidelity trauma or a betrayal trauma is discovered, cognitive thought distortions begin to fuel your anxiety. They create a "danger loop," triggering an old survival mechanism in your brain that makes you overthink and ruminate on your fears. In theory, your brain is trying to get you to think ahead to protect you from potential danger by anticipating future problems (problem-solving) and making sense of what happened (processing). While well-intentioned, without help from a trained therapist, your brain focuses on the wrong things, leading to catastrophizing and extreme black-and-white thinking. These distortions lead you to assume the worst, to personalize the betrayal, and to doubt your reality which increases your anxiety. This is terrifying and causes you to transform your traumatic memories into persistent, intrusive thoughts, which then lead to your fears being triggered, causing ongoing fear, panic, and loss of safety.

So, what do you do to help stop negative thought distortions after you have experienced infidelity? You get help from Alyssia Anderson, LCSW-S, an infidelity treatment expert who stops anxiety-fueling cognitive distortions by using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help you identify, challenge, and reframe irrational thoughts. As you learn CBT techniques from Alyssia, you will be able to turn your negative cognitions about the infidelity trauma or betrayal trauma into balanced, evidence-based perspectives. Alyssia at Southern Pine Counseling teaches you the skills you need to recognize negative thoughts and replace them with logical alternatives, which is important because this helps reduce emotional distress.

Ladies, as you begin to work with Alyssia on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for negative thought distortions due to infidelity trauma or betrayal trauma after your partner cheats, it is important to note that therapy for the negative cognitions themselves (there will likely need to be other things addressed as well) typically lasts between 5 and 20 sessions. Depending on your schedule, this could mean you are attending therapy for 3 to 6 months. Infidelity trauma, betrayal trauma after cheating, cut deep, and the negative thought distortions are part of the healing process. I would strongly encourage you to consider EMDR to process the trauma of the discovery and process the hurt emotions. Trauma from infidelity takes time to heal. There will be moments of emotional crisis and then stability, all along the way, and it is incredibly helpful to have the support of Alyssia a trained mental health professional, so that you can navigate the ups and downs and ensure that you are taking care of yourself in the best way possible, and feel confident in the decisions you are making at home as you continue to take care of your work and your family moving forward during this difficult time. Please, if you are struggling because of an infidelity or betrayal trauma, contact Alyssia today.