How to Rebuild Trust and Diminish Self-Doubt Within Yourself After Trauma
The Gottman Sound Relationship House is a model developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman's work outlines the key elements for building a healthy and stable relationship. It's a metaphor for a house with different levels, each representing a crucial aspect of a strong, enduring relationship. I have found that it is equally effective when used in trauma therapy to help you rebuild your relationship with yourself after experiencing trauma.
Rebuilding Your Inner Foundation with a Trauma Therapist
Working with a trauma therapist can help you restore trust and confidence in yourself after experiencing trauma. The following “floors” of the Sound Relationship House offer practical steps to reconnect with your strengths, nurture self-compassion, and create a positive relationship with yourself.
Floor 1: Build Love Maps for yourself
After going through a trauma, everything changes. You begin to question everything, oftentimes most of all yourself. To rebuild trust, you need to start by establishing a solid foundation of knowing who you are, or at least who you aspire to be. In the first level of the Sound Relationship House, build what Dr. John Gottman calls a “Love Map,” which in this case is your essential guide to your inner world. As you reconnect with yourself, take a moment to journal about what you like and dislike. Who is your best friend? Reflect on what your strengths are, what you would like to see change. Identify how you prefer to relax after a tense day. Building Love Maps means asking the right questions to learn more about yourself. Ideally, you need to know yourself better than anyone else as you begin to rebuild your trust in yourself.
Floor 2: Share Fondness and Admiration
Everyone needs to hear something nice about themselves, and being able to believe it starts within yourself. If you get compliments, but you genuinely believe people are wrong about what they tell you, the compliments do not matter. You must accept that you do have strengths and positive qualities. Start by looking at times in the day when you knew what you were doing, and it felt good. Tell yourself "I am beginnning to believe I am ____". This will begin to shift your negative thinking and help you work towards creating trust and confidence in yourself. Sharing fondness and admiration is amplified when you vocalize the characteristics that you appreciate within yourself. In a healthy relationship with yourself, you can articulate the big and little qualities you like about yourself.
Floor 3: Turn Towards
When you need attention, support, and comfort from your partner, you are likely to say something or make a gesture to elicit a response from them, which the Gottmans call a “bid.” When rebuilding your confidence and overcoming self-doubt, it's essential to recognize the signs that you need to love and support yourself. You need to know when ___ happens, you do best with ____ as your self-care for that situation. The more you know yourself from the work you have done on floors one and two, the easier it will be to know what you need when and how to care for yourself. Consistently turning away (or worse yet, turning against) a bid spells disaster for yourself; it leads to burnout and self-doubt. When you turn toward your bids or signals that you need love and support, you create a person who can handle the challenges that come their way and who is willing and capable of giving the best versions of themselves.
Floor 4: The Positive Perspective
We need to recognize that we all have an inner critic, and it can be especially aggressive in the aftermath of an accident. It is essential to recognize when our inner critic is speaking to us, so that we can counteract that negative voice with compassion and offer a more positive or alternative perspective. Rather than beating ourselves up, we need to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, acknowledging that life happens and sometimes we miss things. This happened before our trauma and will happen again, and it is okay. Believing that you have good intentions and are trying your best strengthens you from the inside out.
Floor 5: Manage Conflict
There will be times when you cannot manage the inner critic in your mind. Since you can’t avoid that inner critic all the time, knowing what to do when it inevitably shows up is key. First, you need to accept that your inner critic is likely coming from a place of fear and anxiety. You badly want to be perceived a certain way and have people see you in the best light. You never want to fail or let someone else down. As you listen to your inner critic, decide whether what the little voice in your head is telling you is immediately solvable or perpetual, then journal about it. Third, when you feel yourself beating yourself up, begin to practice self-care (such as taking a walk or taking deep breaths) to help yourself remain calm.
Floor 6: Make Life Dreams Come True
The beauty of building yourself up and developing a positive relationship with yourself is that it not only encourages you in your goals but also helps you reach further and continue to progress in a way that you can be proud of. This level can resemble starting your own business, completing a class, or simply liking what you see when you look in the mirror. Go ahead, be that girl! Making life dreams come true demonstrates that you want the best possible life for yourself and your loved ones, and you have the capacity and passion to do what it takes to make that happen. You are someone you can be proud of.
Floor 7: Create Shared Meaning
The top of the Sound Relationship House functions much like its foundation of Love Maps, except on this level, you build and understand an inner world that you relate to in others. It is about genuinely connecting with others consistently in a way that is authentic to you, and that brings you joy. As we connect with others, we recognize our value and can accept the positive interactions we have as genuine, which in turn reinforces the work we do to build trust in ourselves.
The Weight-Bearing Walls of Trust and Commitment
As important as all the floors of the Sound Relationship House are, they don’t hold together without the pillars of trust and commitment. In trauma recovery, I think of the pillars as hope and commitment. In a healthy relationship with yourself, you have to decide to have faith in yourself and keep pushing forward in your treatment process. You must be passionate about overcoming your challenges and working towards loving yourself again, acknowledging your strengths, and forgiving yourself for your weaknesses. You have to be willing to stop letting your inner critic be your form of motivation and allow your dreams and positive nature to be your inspiration. It is not easy, but it is doable.
Can Trauma Therapy Help You Trust Yourself Again?
Trauma therapy in Sugar Land, TX at Southern Pine Counseling offers a supportive and structured approach for those working to rebuild trust in themselves and overcome self-doubt. Through personalized sessions with a compassionate trauma therapist, you can explore your experiences safely, develop practical tools for self-compassion, and strengthen your inner foundation. With guidance tailored to your unique journey, therapy can help you reconnect with your strengths, regain confidence, and create a healthier, more trusting relationship with yourself.
Rebuild Self-Trust and Confidence After Trauma with Trauma Therapy in Sugar Land, TX
If you’re ready to start healing and regain confidence, trauma therapy in Sugar Land, TX can guide you through rebuilding trust in yourself. Southern Pine Counseling offers compassionate support to help you navigate self-doubt and reconnect with your strengths. Take the first step toward a healthier relationship with yourself and a brighter, more empowered future today. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Schedule a free 15-minute consult to see if trauma therapy in Sugar Land, TX can help you rebuild trust and overcome self-doubt.
Meet with a compassionate trauma therapist to guide your healing journey.
Begin to reconnect with yourself and embrace confidence!
Additional Services Offered at Southern Pine Counseling
Healing begins when you feel safe enough to trust yourself again. Trauma therapy in Sugar Land, TX at Southern Pine Counseling provides a supportive space where you can rebuild self-trust, diminish self-doubt, and explore your experiences without fear of judgment.
I offer EMDR therapy, support for anxiety and OCD, and guidance through major life transitions like relationship changes, career shifts, or new beginnings. Explore my blog for more insights—each post delivers compassionate guidance and practical tools to help you heal, strengthen your inner foundation, and reconnect with your authentic self.
About the Author
Alyssia, LCSW, is the founder of Southern Pine Counseling in Sugar Land, TX, where she supports clients in overcoming trauma, anxiety, and life stressors. With specialized training in EMDR, CBT, DBT, and trauma-informed care, she combines professional expertise with heartfelt empathy. As a therapist and mother, Alyssia takes a grounded, nurturing approach that helps clients rebuild self-trust, gain confidence, and cultivate balance.
