Minimizing Harm: Navigating Infidelity Trauma with Compassion and Care
Many people are aware that when someone is in an abusive relationship that causes trauma, minimizing their experience is a normal, almost expected habit for that person. It is a coping mechanism meant to protect them, to allow the abused person to minimize their emotional damage so they can remain functional in daily life. You may be wondering, what does this have to do with infidelity trauma/betrayal trauma? The answer is everything.
When you experience an infidelity trauma or betrayal trauma, your brain is trying to make sense of what is in front of it. You have probably noticed that your realities have started to contradict one another: the person who loves/loved/you loved has cheated; you feel a deep betrayal of trust and do not know who this person is, while at the same time knowing this person better than anyone else. It is hard for people, even yourself, to understand how, at times, you can long to be given a hug by the person who stabbed you in the back, while at the same time wondering how you are going to survive this moment, what will moving forward look like, and can this relationship survive this? This experience makes people process their thoughts differently as they desperately try to make sense of their experiences. In the back of your mind, you're constantly trying to rationalize, justify, or change your beliefs/actions to restore harmony for any sense of peace that can make the situation feel better. It can leave you feeling like you are leading a double life: the strong, solemn wife ready to roll up her sleeves and fix this, and the wounded bird, delicate and vulnerable. No wonder your mind is trying to justify peace or minimize things; you are under so much stress.
When you have been through infidelity trauma or betrayal trauma, friends and family do not understand why you are “giving your partner a pass” for certain actions they deem severely problematic. On the flip side, your partner cannot understand why “answering the phone for work” causes you to have a mental breakdown. It is one of the most difficult situations to be in, constantly balancing conflicting thoughts like "I love them" and "They destroyed me". So what do you do?
Overcoming the habit of minimizing harm from infidelity trauma requires validating your own pain. You must remember that your feelings matter, and acknowledge the impact that the betrayal has had on your life. It is so important that you seek therapy for infidelity trauma or betrayal trauma. Techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy and EMDR, which are used by a trained therapist like Alyssia Anderson in Sugar Land, TX, help you to address trauma, rebuild self-trust, and break the habit of minimizing the harm that your infidelity trauma/betrayal trauma has had on you.
Focusing on self-care through journaling can be a lifesaver. It gives you a chance to write things you may not even know need to come out. Physical activities like yoga, running, or going to the gym help you release tension. In all honesty, most people struggle with meditation or mindfulness practices in the early phases of infidelity trauma because their brains are spinning with anxiety. If you are going to try mindfulness activities, stick with guided meditations so you give your stressed mind a specific focus.
You know, one of the things that happens in a relationship that is really beautiful is you focus on building the “we”. Which is super important. However, nowadays, with people spending more time at home and less time getting to know others and building outside relationships, we often end up depending on our partner for most things, and friendships pass by the wayside, unintentionally. It is so critical to build a support system. To give you a place of your own, to help you recognize your individual qualities, who you are, your likes and dislikes, and to validate the goodness that resides in you. Having friends allows you to process emotions rather than suppress them, and it can help you know that you are not in this alone. Friends are an important part of the healing journey from an infidelity trauma.
Please contact Alyssia, to schedule your free consultation an expert therapist for infidelity trauma, today. You deserve support and healing, and to regain your peace now.
