How can infidelity trauma disrupt motivation and follow through? By Your Sugar Land Trauma Therapist
When you experience infidelity trauma, your brain goes into full protection mode. The way I explain it to people is that your brain creates a narrative: “If I had been more aware, maybe this could have been avoided, or things would have been different.” When this occurs, the amygdala begins to constantly detect threats and send distress signals to the hypothalamus, a part of your brain. The hypothalamus then triggers your physical reactions to potential danger, and prepares your body to respond to a threat by increasing your heart rate and breathing (which can cause sweating). This is so that if you need to run or move away, your body is warmed up and ready to go. Much like someone preparing to run a race would do a warm-up, this is your body's way of warming up so you can react quickly. On the flip side, some people who experience infidelity trauma are more impacted by their brain triggering its parasympathetic reactions when they have trauma, which causes the “freeze response” for freezing (immobility) when danger feels overwhelming. When your body releases hormones that trigger the freeze response, it slows your heart rate, aids digestion, conserves energy, and controls unconscious functions like urination and salivation (hence the old eating your feelings idea).
So what causes one person to freeze and one person to run? People have different "default" responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) based on their unique nervous system and experiences. Your brain might interpret the danger as inescapable, triggering the freeze response, while someone else might see an opportunity to escape. Most of the time, it is a learned survival tactic from your past. It is a known fact that ih the human race some people found that freezing or staying in the moment and working to passify the situation kept them in a safer position, while others learned that getting away allowed them to escape the danger. Due to the complex nature of an infidelity trauma we often experience both off and on.
Okay, now to what you have been waiting for. How does infidelity trauma impact your motivation and follow-through? When your brain is focused on survival, the hormones it is pumping out for its fight or flight responses impact how you tackle or do not tackle your responsibilities. Infidelity trauma can cause the brain to develop internal blocks, such as learned helplessness and intense avoidance of potential triggers. It may be challenging to begin your to-do lists because you are constantly bracing for threats (that is my significant other doing, are they meeting someone or texting them?), becoming distracted by small stimuli (which can spiral you into distracted thoughts), and leaving little energy for goals, even when you desire change.
When your brain is in “danger scanning mode” you struggle to making decisions, you have fragmented focus, you are physically and mentally exhausted, and struggle with inability to plan (because it is hard to know what you can commit to if you are constantly worried about what could go wrong (your partner has an opportunity to speak with their affair partner) and if you would make a decision that could potentially place you in danger. You view things from a state of feeling unsafe. Often, all these things together make it feel impossible to take consistent action.
You may notice that depression, anxiety, or emotional numbness stemming from infidelity trauma directly depletes the energy and interest needed to pursue goals. As you see yourself unable to meet the expectations you set for yourself, you begin to beat yourself up, unwillingly. You become frustrated with yourself and wonder why you are falling short, how other people who have been through an affair trauma can move forward, and why you are weak and cannot just let this moment go. Whenever you disappoint yourself by not meeting an expectation or a goal, you come down on yourself hard and end up in a constant negative loop, until you are left, where you probably are right now, reading this, feeling terrible, desperate to find a way out.
The good news is, infidelity trauma therapy at Southern Pine Counseling can help. I have helped so many women just like you overcome their infidelity trauma, refocus on their goals and see their lives turn around. I know the challenges that someone with PTSD experiences, and I know how PTSD treatment and trauma therapy can feel overwhelming. Trust that when you see me, I have a plan to help you, and I know how to get you out of your misery so you can begin achieving again.
